A letter came from 'Uncle Sam', that said "Report for Duty".
Say What??? I ain't a youn'n and I've lost my 'raving beauty'. :-)

With confidence I made a call, and after a long wait,
A gruff young man answered and I explained my 'fate'.
"Well M'am, that's not my problem. Report as the letter States!"

"Young fella, you don't understand, I am not 'fit' to serve.
I've not been in the Military and I'm not in the 'Reserve!'
I tried for days to get some help, but it was all for 'naught'.
So, I 'Reported' graciously, with a few 'new things' I'd bought!

I walked in, smiling broadly; Most teeth were black as tar!
My 'shopping cart' was wobbling, causing all my goodies to 'jar'.
My dress of rags was a 'Bag Ladies' dream. People stared from afar!

Those combat boots my husband wore, were perfect for 'this' place,
Mud puddles I had waded thru, caused a 'Splash' with every pace!
My hair looked like a wire fence. Had it not been combed in days?
But hey, they'd fix that too, I'm sure! Oh, the look on that guy's face!

"I'm here to report for duty, Sir. I want to do my part."
I handed him the letter from my smelly 'Shopping Cart'.
I had a 'lot' of goodies. Fish heads, old combs, false teeth.
Lots of empty tuna cans, a stuffed buzzard, and more beneath!

"I'm sorry M'am, there's been a mistake. May I see some ID, please?"
I reached into my 'Cart' once more, my driver's license to retrieve.
Typing words into his 'puter he cringed like a poor cornered cat!
"You may go now, and we'll be in touch." No way could I do that!

"Please type a letter, now, young man, that states I'm not a Reserve.
By phone you said you don't make mistakes, so please be a dear, and 'Serve'."
He feverishly typed 'till a paper was finished. This guy was not having fun!
I took my new letter, 'toothlessly' smiled and replied to him, "Well Done!"

While leaving I heard his voice yell out, "M'am you've forgotten your cart."
"Oh no", said I, "That's your special gift, for always doing your part!"

Home at last, I checked my mail, no longer dealing with stress,
The first envelope I happened to see......was from the IRS!

© Samantha

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